surgery...

just an update.

amy's having her gallbladder out tomorrow laparoscopically.

keep her in your prayers.

thanks...

Mom's Shouldn't Have to Get Sick...

Since last Thursday, I have been on a strict diet of mostly this...


while abdominal achings were melted into oblivion by this...

and my facial expression has mostly resembled this...



which explains why I have slowed down on my "catching up" posts to journal the last several weeks of our lives.

Oh... and all the other "catching up" that keeps piling up. :)

We are trying to narrow down the reason I'm not tolerating food at the moment... and I hope the answer comes soon... because I sure love to eat every few times a day.

Needless to say, it is quite inconvenient to be so sick for such a long time. "Normal life" in a home doesn't happen without a fully-operating mother in charge. It has been pretty sobering to realize just how much is done each day to keep "life" going for these kiddos. Thank goodness for wonderful daddy and grandparents who have stepped in to bridge the gaps I am leaving all around me.

We are hoping for some answers soon so that I can resume a regular diet, regular weight, and regular life with the kiddos and the regular activities that keep us busy. Lucky for me I have a doctor at my beckon call, and another who happens to answer my calls, even late at night.

Too bad they don't have a "mother's vaccine" that would prevent all sickness from ever disrupting the business of my mothering again.

Wouldn't that be nice??

Ella Turns One!!!

Oh, Ella. Ellie. Ella Bella. Bellzie. Ellie Belly. Bellzeezo.

My dear, calm, smiling, patient, lovable, and wonderfully sweet baby girl. Amidst the chaos and complexities of our move from California to Utah, you turned one. Instead of one birthday bash, we had several celebrations in honor of your birthday... a result of your daddy having to go back to California before your actual birthday, and your mother's inability to properly plan when life is not well-organized.

For your first birthday celebration (several days before your actual birthday), you spent much of the day with your Grandpatty, sisters, and brother while mom and dad spent their only free day together unpacking and setting up the house before daddy returned to California for 3 weeks. We wanted to celebrate your birthday with daddy before he left, so Grandpappy cooked a delicious cake, and Grandpatty helped your sisters frost it with beautiful pink frosting, and they joined us in our new house for family night to celebrate your first year in our family.


Even though you were tired, you were so sweet as your family poured attention and loves your way.




You knew just what to do with that pretty pink frosting... and even got a bit of cake with it, too!

On your actual birthday, you were lucky to have Grandma Risenmay here with you. One of the presents she got you was a pretty sparkly balloon, which you didn't even get to see before it was lost to the vaulted ceiling, maneuvered by the ceiling fan (while your mom tried to get it to come down), and promptly popped before it landed on the floor. No matter... a crinkly, sparkly, deflated balloon is just as fun!! We went to the animal farm at Thanksgiving Point, and had a great time!


Your official birthday dinner bash was that Sunday evening where you got to open presents and have your personal cake.


This time your attention was focused on the candle's flame, which wasn't as tasty as the frosting was...


but it was soon all better as you focused your attentions, again, on the frosting.


Mmmmm... you love, love frosting.

You got to open presents... your brother and sisters each picked out a special gift for you. They went to pick them out individually with Grandpatty, and I love how each gift is such a reflection of themselves and what they thought you would like. Michael, a rolly-polly ball that sings to you---because he knows you'll love to play ball like he does. Abby, a nursery rhyme book that sings to you--because she loves reading and saying nursery rhymes and singing. Bekah, a talking phone--because... well... she loves to talk.


And we love you. Thank you for being such a sweet influence in our family. You are such a delight to us all. We love to watch you play. We love to play with you. We love that you follow us around the house, jabbering your sweet jabberings along the way. We love how you point to everything and jabber like you are asking a question. We love how you suck your fingers and find so much comfort in a warm fuzzy blanket. We LOVE that you go to bed so well! We love how you blow kisses. We love your vowel-ladden language. You are always smiling and giving us your wide-mouthed expressions. You are adorable and adored.


Sometimes I wonder what kind of experience you are getting as the fourth child in our family. At times it seems that my attention is split so many different ways, and you get whatever extra time or attention I can find between it all. But then I realize that you have a brother who LOVES you (you are his Bellzeezo!) and watches over you so well. You have sisters who dote over you and give you so much to watch. Your daddy adores you and loves the way you climb all over him. So I guess, between all of us, we're doing just fine.

I remember on your blessing day, your daddy blessed you that you would be able to absorb the energy of your sisters... and you do that with stunning grace. You do it for me, too... as your influence calms the chaos of my days. I feel so loved in the way you squeeze my arm when I hold you, pat my chest, and give me wide-mouthed head-butts (I know you are just tying to kiss me!).



Thank you for being my sweet Ella Bella.

THE MOVE...

After doing a post about fond memories of California, here I will make a documentation about a California memory I would like to forget...

... but I'm going to write a post about it that is way too long, anyway...

Sorry.


This is the only picture I really got... and I'm not really sad about it.

Observe: the remainder of our belongings sprawled on our front yard while two Yayhoos from an Orange County moving service assisted us in trying to fit our stuff into a huge truck. This was the beginning of the end of a move that didn't quite happen the way Paul and I had scripted it.

What we had planned:

• Kiddos would be, miraculously, whisked away for a few days by an angel mother-in-law to leave Paul and me to finish packing, load up and clean, and drive to Utah. (This part definitely happened... and it was miraculous... and you are an angel Mom F!!!)

• Use the moving allowance from Paul's new job to hire movers and cleaners to help us load the moving truck and clean the house. (I would be indoors helping direct cleaning and the carrying out of boxes. I would sip a bit of water when hot, scrub a few walls and windows, and perhaps take a few personal moments to reminisce the wonderful memories of my family in our California home. Paul would take a shady spot by the truck and be sure everything was loaded properly, assisting as needed, and sign the check when the job was done. Isn't that was a moving allowance is for??)

• The driving service would pick up the trailer and we would give a temporary goodbye to our belongings.
  

• Moments later, in the early evening... without kids or moving cares... we would drive into the sunset to the beach where Paul had reserved a (great deal on priceline!!!) night at a resort hotel. Enjoy a wonderful meal by the ocean, and perhaps take a leisurely walk on the shore.
  

• Sleep in, wake up refreshed the next morning, and drive east to greet our kids and new home.

What actually happened:

Without giving too many details, our picturesque ideals didn't quite come to fruition...

The moving and cleaning service was a pair of husband and wife neighbors who happen to "do this together every once and a while." They showed up late and angry with each other, bickered with each other and used some not-so-nice words, took lots of smoke breaks, and we ended up pushing back the pick up time for the truck several times and several hours.

It didn't take us long to see that this wasn't going to be the most efficient "moving service," so Paul and I got busy and carried out most of our boxes with the help of our friend Brian Rowley. (Thanks again Brian!!)

The, likewise, less-than-efficient cleaning service (the wives of the two men) cleaned about 1/8 of what I had thought would get done in the time allotted. Instead of paying for overtime, I frantically whizzed through the house to clean up my own messes :)

Our hotel check-in time came and went, and so did our dreams of a nice relaxing evening together.

When the truck driver came after 9pm, we stuffed in whatever else would fit, and were left with more than several odds and ends that didn't fit. There was still some cleaning to be done, and we weren't sure how we were going to load the odds and ends into our car. We were beat. We were dissheveled. We were done.

Thanks to some encouragement from my friend Missy, we decided to bag it for the night and make a mad dash for our ocean retreat... come back the next day and scrape up the leftovers.

And I'm so glad we did.

We debriefed and laughed about the experience the whole way to Huntington Beach, where we checked in before 11pm... just 10 minutes before the jacuzzis closed. Luckily, they didn't kick us out once we were in, and the steaming bubbly saltwater made everything better.

We did sleep in. And we enjoyed a happy morning eating a great breakfast and walking through the beach shops. We were rejuvenated and in great spirits.

After throwing out some odds, we puzzle-pieced the ends into our car, cleaned the rest of the house, said our last goodbyes, and drove off into the sunset.

The Utah end of our move went quite a bit better, as it was not quite so inefficient. Although the moving service we used in Utah sent us some SLC gangsta teenyboppers, we were grateful for the help and the job seemed much less cumbersome. Paul's family helped so much with the kiddos, and Paul was able to do many of the "manly" things before he returned to California to finish his remaining 3 weeks of residency and moonlighting shifts.

Thereafter, Paul and I decided that we don't want to ever be apart for 3 weeks again (as long as I have 4 children 5 and under with me), I found out that I would not make a very good single mom, and family help and visits helped get me through a surprisingly difficult transition without Paul. Thanks to all of you for your thoughtfulness, encouragement, and help.

Really... thank you... to everyone. Thank you for having sleepovers with the kids, giving us fun things to do, and listening to my worries. Thank you for dropping everything to make the trip, staying to help me in church, and bringing my brothers for some comic relief. Thank you for sweeping the basement, unpaking my closets, and hanging the curtains. Thank you for staying late to screw in bookshelves, setting up our wannabe entertainment center, and being a listening ear. Thank you for taking me to Miss Utah, listening to the Paul and Amy dating story--extended version, and love love loving my kiddos. You know who you are, and I'll always remember. You all helped me feel so supported and loved.

I am so glad to be close to family again.

And I am hereby vowing to never move again. Where we landed is where we shall stay... forevermore.

And I'm happy about that.

The end.

Memories from California...

We moved from California about a month and a half ago. It has been enough time that I'm feeling really comfortable where we are. The routine is back. Paul is back (Hallelujah!!). The boxes are mostly unpacked (unless you count the basement... hee, hee...). Paul has started work. We LOVE where we have settled, and we're really enjoying being close to family again.

But I've been going through pictures to organize them a bit, and the California memories are reminding me of the things I miss.

So here is a little list of my favorite California things... the things I am missing most:

• The Rowleys. Places are just places without people. The Rowleys were a huge part of our California experience. They were instant friends when we first moved there... and we were lucky enough to have them move right across the street during the last year we were there. They were truly our California family and meant so much to us during those three years. I miss our mommy preschool, movie nights, late-night safety checks (did you hear/see that??), proxy store runs, pool times, dinner-trades, emergency borrowing (of all kinds!), talks about kids and finances and politics and... everything, Disney days, and the few times we got out on a double date without the kiddos in tow! The Rowleys are irreplaceable, and we will never give up trying to talk them in to moving to Utah. (the house across the street is still for sale!!)

• Other people who watched over and cared about our little family. Like Roma, our "California Grandma", who never missed a birthday of ours, delighted in my children, and was the person we visited whenever we took a walk in the neighborhood. Our neighbor, Karen, was our other California grandma, who showered the children with goodies and love and was always around to help. Emily, our favorite babysitter, who came to know the kids and their bedtime routine so well.
• DISNEYLAND. Our annual passes to Disneyland were well-used and well-worth it. Many of Paul's days off were spent in this truly magical place where dreams of true relaxation and carefree time with the family came true for us. It was our escape from residency and cares at home. We are still passholders for the next year, and plan on taking a few trips to use them wisely.
  
• The neighborhood pool. It was so nice to fall out of our door and use the pool or jacuzzi. Oh, and the Rowleys were always there.
• Constant blue skies and warm winter days. The weather was mostly amazing (aside from a scorching July and August), and we were almost always able to fall outside for some playtime. When the Utah winter starts showing its ugly face, I will be scrambling to buy up enough winter clothes to keep this family warm. I will have to actually wear socks again and find my kiddos some coats. Rats.
  
• Orange groves. Everyday, I drove down streets lined with orange groves. I will especially miss them in the spring, when the fragrance of the orange blossoms fills the air. Fantastic.
• The Beach(es). We lived an hour from the beach. And although we didn't go as much as we had imagined we would (and Paul's boogie boards weren't used as much as he had hoped), we had many wonderful beach days.
• Our Private Park. A friend told me about this park that was connected to physical therapy and rehabilitation center. It is fenced-in, wheelchair-friendly (aka stroller-friendly), has super-fun equipment and a grassy area, and... best of all... was almost always empty! We felt like it was our private park, and... since it was fenced in... were able to go here to let the kids go and just sit and relax a bit.
  Too bad I found out about it AFTER Abby and Bekah went through their major run-off-in-opposite-directions-when-out-in-public phase. But better late than never.
• Having family and friends visit... and stay for a while. We had so many fun visitors come to see us and do fun things while we lived in California. I hope we'll still get a bit of this and that you'll all still come and visit, and perhaps still even stay for a while. We love having houseguests. :)
• Life's lesson: Simplify. From the example of my friends and the other moms around me, I learned the value of focusing on what really matters and letting everything else just go. My time and my season right now it raising 4 young children and creating an enriching, positive, and spiritually rich environment for them. My husband had a busy schedule, and things were easier when I was able to keep things simple. As a consequence, I learned that I don't need to be super-scheduled, and my planner doesn't have to be bursting at the seams for me to feel fulfilled. When I slow down to really enjoy and tend to things that matter most, we are all much happier. Such a valuable lesson that I hopeI never forget.
  

I'd better stop now or I'll stay up way too late.

I'll always have fond memories of our 3-year "vacation" in California. While Paul's schedule was often horrendous, it didn't seem so most of the time because we were so happy. As we were moving out, I teared up many times walking through the house where our children grew so much. Abby and Bekah were just 5 months when we moved there. Michael was barely 3.


My how we've grown and changed.


So while we've moved away from California, I know we'll be seeing you real soon. Why? Because we like you!

"Send"...

Ugh.

I am still amazed at the chaos I created last night with the click of a button.

I was up late at night gathering and preparing things to send to our agent for our refinance. Bank statements, W2s, Paul's job contract, social security numbers, etc. etc. etc. Basically every financially personal piece of information.

I attached all the scans and documents to an email to send to Paul's email, typed "paul" into the "To:" bar, and pressed "send."

Paul's email address is his last name .dot. first name. I was soon terrified to realize that the "helpful" auto-fill-in feature put in his first name .dot. last name... which happens to be a different working email address sent to some other person.


All that information has been sent to a complete stranger! Who most likely has my husbands same name!!

To save you the headache of googling, sending the gmail staff frantic emails, live chatting with computer techies after midnight, and waking tired family members in the middle of the night... I'll tell you now that it is impossible to retrieve/intercept an email once you have pushed "send."

(Unless you've had the foresight to pay for a program that delays the sending of your emails... or have enabled the "undo" feature in gmail which allows you 5 seconds from the time you press "send" to "undo" the sending of the email.)

So beware!

In my shame, I sent another email to the stranger asking him to please delete the other emails and let me know they had been deleted, so that I could sleep better at night.

No reply yet.

Maybe no one uses the email address?? ;)

Today was spent calling banks, closing accounts, opening new ones, rearranging finances, and telling myself that that person with my husbands same name is probably a good enough person and won't use all of our personal information fraudulantly. Or dishonestly. Or creepily. Or at all...?? Pleeeeease????

On Whitepages.com I looked up Paul's name to see how many others there are. 21. Should I call them all? "Hello... what is your email address?? Did you get all our financial information sent to your inbox last night?? Will you please delete the message and erase any evidence...??"

I think I might...??

But what are the chances... right? I'm telling myself they're really, really slim so that I can sleep at night.

Really, they are slim. And I probably don't even need to worry. But just the thought of it all makes me nervous.

But what are the chances??

Phew... glad I got all of this frustration out in the open.

I feel much better now.

And please tell me you've pressed "send" when you shouldn't have... this stuff has happened to other people, right??

Just a Few...

So there have been a few times over the last few days that I took a few minutes to gather a few pictures and a few thoughts to put a few words on this here blog.

But it just so happens that it has been almost a few months since I have posted anything. My husband takes a few hundred pictures every time he gets his hands on a camera... so it takes a few hours to go through them (although it brings more than a few smiles to my face as I reminisce a few memories...). I rarely get more than a few uninterrupted moments to put together a coherent thought online. And I still have more than a few boxes left to unpack.


Since our move in June, we've had more than a few family events. All but a few family members have come to stay and play with us. Paul was gone for a few weeks while I survived (barely) as a "single mom" thanks to a few angels who helped us out while my sanity hung by a few threads.

Now that Paul is back, he has worked a few shifts at his new job. We have made a few friends and love our neighborhood. There are more than a few reasons we love living here.

I wish I had a few pictures on the walls. A few more check marks on my to-do list. And a few uninterrupted days to finish the leftover unpacking. But it will come, it will come...

So rest assured that I will put up a few posts sometime soon-ish to make up for the few months I have been away. I have been putting up with a few complainers about my delinquency for too long...

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these few pictures that we took at the Manti Temple at the beginning of June. We were there for Melissa's wedding (Paul's cousin) and took the chance to take a few pictures on the grounds. It is the same temple Paul and I were married in 9 years ago.


This picture is taken on the same rock as one of our favorite wedding pictures. Just a few things have changed since then! In my "crystal ball," I would have loved to see this image back then. Who would have thought life would be so very full, wonderful, and rewarding...







It brings a few tears to my eyes...

Oh, ps... please give us a few suggestions for a new title for our blog???

what to reform...

peter and stephen,

please respond to this statment, "The economic argument against the public option is simple. Yes, it may reduce monetary outlays, but it will do so by forcing providers to accept prices lower than what they would in a competitive market. The public option can do this because it will be subsidized by taxpayer money. Thus, the public option will crowd out other insurers and achieve monopoly pricing power. Once monopoly pricing power is achieved, then you will see a decline in both quality and supply of health services. The key is the lack of supply. At the monopoly price, the number of people willing to provide heath services will be suboptimal. This is why you have to wait six months for a CAT scan in England. Effectively, supply is rationed. And yes, "costs" will be lowered, but only if you just count cash outlays. If you count the implicit cost of the having to wait too long for health care services or receiving lower quality care, then it's not such a bargain. No free lunches I'm afraid.

This is textbook economics as to what happens with monopoly pricing. Don't need to be an ideologue at all to believe this."




peter, after criticizing my post on the article from the wsj you asked about paying physicians a salary. here is a great answer.

a few salient paragraphs from an author who is pro 'public-option',

"Is the wonk consensus solidifying that the health care system would benefit if doctors were paid on salary?

I hope not, and I hope this doesn't happen on a large scale. Not because I'm a doctor looking out for doctors' interests, but because it's bad policy. As any MBA or business executive will tell you, when it comes to personnel management, you get the behavior you incentivize. For most physicians, the behavior that is promoted by the fee-for-service system is patient contacts, and this mode of compensation is important in maintaining physician productivity.

Consider the emergency department, for example. If I have a patient volume of 100 patients per day, this is for basic purposes a static demand that has to be met. As it is, if I staff this ER with a group of motivated and efficient docs seeing 2.5 patients per hour, I need to provide 40 physician hours of staffing daily, or about 15,000 hours annually, equivalent to about 10 FTEs (Full-Time Equivalents). Predictably, when you drop the direct correlation between how much work you do and how much you get paid, there is a decrement in productivity. This amount may vary but might easily be 10% or more; this is often defended by physicians who claim that by going slower they are providing better care, which is actually a fair point. The consequence, however, is that I will need to hire another physician to staff my department, and, writ large, there will need to be 10% more ED physicians nationwide to keep up with demand. If those docs don't materialize, then the ERs will back up and waiting times and boarding will increase.

The same phenomenon will apply to, say, a Family Practitioner seeing patients in the office. Currently, the patients are scheduled in 10 minute blocks with little down time, just to keep the practice profitable. If the doc goes on salary and can see fewer patients for the same income, why would he not? It would be great for patients, too. Wouldn't it be nice to sit down and talk with your doctor without those time constraints? But again, the demand for these services won't go away just because the docs are working slower, and the consequence is that more PCPs will be needed to serve the same population, or that access to primary care services will erode.

Now maybe if these salaries were skewed to favor cognitive services, there'd be lots of proceduralists and specialists who no longer wanted to work so hard and do all those unnecessary procedures from the article, "



lastly, some thoughts on whether there is a 'crisis' from a recent thread at the economist about health care reform (see comments below the article),

"Now, the US spends 18% of GDP on healthcare (compared to ~11% for EU) and this will go up to 25% within 12-20 years (varied estimates), if left unabated, this IS THE REAL problem and can be addressed through a variety of very pragmatic things, beginning with “hanging all the lawyers,” NOT that malpractice awards or even insurance is a large direct contributory to healthcare cost, but “fear of lawsuits” causes “defensive medicine” which means multiple MRI/CAT scans when an x-ray and observation is really only warranted; use of outrageously expensive oncology therapeutics and end of life technologies which are minimally palliative, at best, I could list 20 things, but “physicians” will simply “go along” with patients and families instead of being frank and face potential suits once terminal patients die.

Of course cost controls, specifically, unabated price increases, is part of the mix, but as a previous poster correctly stated, US unlimited prices subsidize the world; e.g. US Pharmaceutical consumption is ~32-35% of developed world but accounts for >65% global profit for all transnational companies.

Other than the % of GDP, the “Healthcare Crisis” is PR “BS;” when one closely examines the perpetual 47 million without coverage; a few key points come up:
1)>80% of “illegal aliens” are included (10 of the “12 million, US “official number” in reality 22-25M illegal’s in US; 2) 5-10 Million “US Born” children of illegal aliens; 3) “college-age” students covered via University Health Services (minimal need for catastrophic care); 4) Under 30 “Healthy adults” who are transient in employment; Conclusion >15M are long term without coverage and a significant portion of these can either afford subsidized coverage or low-income “free” coverage (Medicaid).

For 250M American Citizens, the current healthcare coverage is fine though the costs must be better controlled.
Obama is seeking to establish the “Golden Goose” of Government “Administered” (READ: “dependant” upon politicians) Entitlements and 90% of American Citizens are satisfied with what already they have albeit lowering cost is a good objective."


what do you think? there is a lot of liberal hand waving, but the most vociferous articles i've read are high on emotion and thin on substance...

best movies of 2008...

so it's half way through 2009, but with kids it's hard to get to movies sometimes...

regardless, i've seen a few from last year and thought i'd post a 'best of'' list and compare notes with you.

1-gran torino








-emotional for me. great characters. thought provoking.

2-milk









-fascinating, based on true events in san fransisco. amazing the parallels in relation to the arguments made on either side of prop 8... sean penn played a subtle and powerful gay man. i thought a lot about david during the movie.

3-dark knight









-heath ledger and christian bale. ledger's performance was mesmerizing. sad to know his powerful acting in this role will not be seen again.

4-kung fu panda













-on one trip home from california we watched this 4 times with the kids and every time i laughed throughout jack black's opening monologue. and crane? (the never-nude from arrested development...) subtle and very funny.

5-slumdog millionaire









-a nice mix of period costumes, culture, history combined with a great leading man, humor and music. my favorite scene at the outhouse.

6-frost/nixon









-thanks to peter i saw this last night. amazing that the final session of a political interview with nixon could get my adrenaline going. great history. great characters.

7-high school musical 3








-don't laugh. don't think less of me. we have had more hours of musical/singing enjoyment all year with our kids from this show than any other. who doesn't feel like singing and dancing about their high school years..?

8-quantum of solace













-daniel craig is the most realistic and enjoyable bond yet. gritty, realistic and tough. this installment was not as good as casino royale, but it was still very good.

9-speed racer







-the wachowski brothers haven't been able to please critics like they did with their first matrix, but this colorful and fun movie has some inventive, fun and suspenseful race sequences that are interspersed with great characters. on the whole the movie falls apart at several points, but always picks up again with the races. you may need to jump forward at several points to keep your interest, but there are some great comic and dramatic moments in this one...just cheer for speed and have fun? (and michael loves it...i can't resist)

10-wall e






-the animation of the obese earthlings plays often in my mind as i deal with the obesity epidemic in the ED. a fun show.


also ran:
incredible hulk-ed norton. beautiful international shots.
be kind rewind
bolt-super fun with the kids.
horton hears a who
indiana jones
iron man
mama mia-watched it with amy? i may have like it more than her..:O

didn't see:
frozen river-which stephen tells me is outstanding.

the last time...

being away from the family definitely affects my emotions, but seeing these photos of my last day at disneyland with the girls makes my heart ache a bit. our time in california has often been difficult, but it has also been sweet, fun, exciting, fullfilling, emotional, exhilerating, eye opening, maturing, unique, and unforgettable.

the girls shows those emotions here in spades...