i was roused from sleep this morning by a disturbing dream. it had to do with a violation of trust between amy and me. the experience was devastating (in my dream). i was happy to wake, shake it off and reassure myself. i got to thinking though, about my life. trust has rarely been violated in my life. (incidentally, the dream was not based in reality:)
trust is a delicate thing. moments when commonly held values grow thin and trust is tampered with become defining moments for growth, change and re-evaluation. perhaps these events make a relationship more human, they may irreparably damage a relationship, but with proper change may possibly strengthen a relationship in the realization of weakness, mutual growth and support.
trust plays a part in every relationship. an episode highlighted this for me in the ER when a younger patient received a devastating facial injury during a common childhood activity (involving jumping). prior to the full extent of the injury\ies coming to light, but during the exam when the probabilities were explained, the father began berating the adolescent for stupidity and it's immediate effect on the dad's time, work and personal concerns. (*names, dates, gender and specifics of patient care have been altered to protect patient privacy and to comply with HIPAA)
i was disturbed. this was a dynamic i had never known. the closest i came was when i rode through the spanish fork library's front window on my rollerblades. it happened on a sunday immediately after my father asked me to please stop breaking the sabbath. i vividly remember entering my grandparent's house. i told my mom that i hade broken a window and her look of anger melted to concern as she saw the blood dripping from my arm. her unconditional love on that and other difficult occasions allows me to trust in her love.
last night's dream set in relief life's subtle choices that lead to not so subtle results.
*thank you to aj for his very thoughtful gesture. his purchase of these t-shirts--despite their implications for the world's ducks--was very kind and michael's expressions above relay my feelings about the gesture. trust strengthened.
5 comments:
Sounds like you successfully maneuvered Erikson's 1st stage of personality development, "trust vs. mistrust." As your wife, I reap the benefits of your well-developed personality!
I'm glad your dream was only a dream... far from reality and far from truth.
Paul and I both have a lot we owe to wonderful parents, siblings, and people who have surrounded us through the years. We stand where we are because of you and your selfless giving, support, and love.
Matt, Angela, Brinlee, and Max come to Redlands tonight!!!!! We simply cannot wait to see them. I'm going to have a hard time getting Michael to sleep knowing they will be coming late, late tonight!
I am expecting LOTS OF PICTURES!
Hey Amy, I TRUST you are having a spectacular birthday weekend? Sorry, that was lame.
Yet another interesting commentary, Paul. Along the lines of your post, it also might be notable that trust is something that takes a good deal of time to create, but unfortunately, is easily lost by a single selfish act. Whether it be toward your wife, boss, or little brother, unselfish acts instill trust to them every day.
Somehow I doubt Todd or Farcles trust me any further than they can throw me after my brotherly "Reign of Terror". Oh well, I managed to trust Paul Michael after his time of power. Maybe they will do the same for me.
That shirt looks great on Michael, but a University of Oregon “Elite Eight” T-Shirt might look a little better to me. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for one.
We celebrated our Easter evening in a wonderful, tender, spiritual way: a cutthroat game of Risk! We started at 4:30 (Todd, Marc, Val and I) and put the game on hold at 10:00, still unfinished. We hope to complete the game tonight-I'm not sure that is the way the Brethren wanted us to spend FHE, and I am not sure if Risk is a really great way to promote family togetherness.
The game would have finished earlier, but Val, who was in a really good poisition to win, decided she was tired of it. She just started attacking at random, with no logic, and just kept things stirred up. We finally got her eliminated, but Todd got her cards, and so Marc and I had to form an alliance to keep him from winning. Now Marc is about to win, and Todd and I have an alliance. I get the feeling that I am just a patsy in a dog-eat-dog game between Todd and Marc.
It is just possible that you guys in CA with 5 kids, three and under, in one house are having a more peaceful time.
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